I was a girl who had to work on the streets to support my family. My father was sick and my family was poor; so poor that, at night, we went to bed without having anything to eat. My mother, therefore, asked me to work.
I was only eight years old when I started working on the street. At the start, I was selling only plastics. But over time, I also started selling pens and notebooks in order to earn more money. I hardly passed those days. I knew well that the street was not safe for a girl. But I had no other choice and I had to work.
Until 11, only the winter coldness and hunger in the street were difficult issues for me. But after I grew older, I would face more dangers, such as theft and sexual harassment. Sexual harassment was the most dangerous of all. This danger was supposed to be imposed on me by the men whom I innocently used to call Kaka Jan (dear uncle) and Lala Jan (dear brother) so that they buy a plastic and/or notebook from me.
I didn’t know much about sexual harassment at that time. I experienced it for the first time when, as usual, I was working on the street. That day, I was struggling to sell my notebooks, when suddenly an old bicycler man arrived next to me and touched my body. I was scared and ran while screaming.
But no one cared. No one said a word to the man. Instead, the men who had seen that scene laughed at me. It seemed that a scene where a child was harassed was pleasant for them. I was so shocked that I wanted to die. Thereafter, while screaming, I began to wake up from the nightmares at night.
Later, I was harassed for the second and third times. The harassment was increasing day by day. I was so harassed that it became an everyday happening for me. But still, I was working with all the difficulties.
I was about to turn 13. One day, a man approached me, saying he was ready to buy all my plastics if I would go with him for an hour. He said he would pay me. But I did not accept. I was scared and, since I knew he would harass me like everyone else, I didn’t go with him. When he realized that I didn’t want to go, he dragged me along with him. I was scared, so scared. I wanted to scream and ask someone to help me. I was ready to give all my plastics to the man for free if he didn’t harass me.
But it was too late. I understood that he had come for me, not for my plastics; that he wanted me, not my plastics. I was crying and didn’t know what to do. The man forcefully tied up my eyes, held my hands tightly and approached me laughing. I tried to get away from him, but I couldn’t. I was scrambling and felt like I was dying. It seemed dark everywhere. My body was numbed. After he released me, I was no longer the girl I used to be. My body was aching a lot, but not more than my psyche. I saw that my neck and hands were bruised.
I didn’t know how to hide this rape from people. “What will happen to me?” I asked myself, while I felt my heart was about to stop beating. “If my father and my brothers know, they will kill me.”
I was unwell. I didn’t know what to do other than cry. I went home at night with a lot of presentiment. As soon as she saw me, my mother understood what had happened to me. She was shocked. She collared me and slapped me on my face. “You’ll embarrass us,” she told me while she was beating me. “I wish you would die today and wouldn’t come home alive. Now, what should I do with this disgrace?”
My body pains were much less than that of my psyche. “It was my mother who asked me to go out and work to earn money. Now that I have been raped, why is she beating me?” I asked myself. “I didn’t want it to happen. Why does she think it’s my fault? Why doesn’t she support me?”
That night, my mother decided to keep the issue hidden and it was kept well hidden from everyone. My mother didn’t let me go out anymore. With thousands of excuses, I could convince her to let me go to school and I was happy about that.
I was in a bad mental state for about five years. I always remembered that moment and that man with his impure face. Mentally, I was getting weaker and weaker day by day. Several years passed. I grew up and the date of the Kankor exam was finally announced. I had to go to the university for a dactyloscopy. Going to university and seeing it motivated me to a new life.
Then, day and night, I studied hard for the Kankor exam; in the end, I could succeed in the faculty of language and literature, Department of Persian literature. The university opened the door to a new world for me. I met a boy there and we decided to get married. I wanted to be honest and not betray him. Therefore, I honestly told him the whole story as well as my condition.
I told him that, contrary to his expectation, I was not a “virgin”; That I was assaulted on the street; That real virginity was in the heart and nature of the people, not what is attributed to women’s bodies; that I was pure-hearted and my nature was good; That I was totally alien to betrayal.
He accepted. He loved me and waited until our graduation. After graduation, we got married. Now, I am working as a teacher at a school. My husband also works as a financial manager in an organization. Life has been hard and the problems have been countless. But I fought, I didn’t give up and I could rebuild my life. From the street, I tried to reach to the university and, of course, a great life.
I succeeded and didn’t give in to the situation. Because I had come to believe that rape is a painful event, rudeness, a crime, and a terrible experience; But with experiencing rape, the world doesn’t come to an end and life doesn’t stop. Over time, I realized that overcoming this type of violence and the way to end it is only getting strong. Now, by sharing my experiences with my students and friends, I try to protect other vulnerable and/or victimized girls.
