“They placed a green shawl over her head and slipped a ring onto her finger.”
In this way, Arezu was engaged to a young man who had been living in Sweden for years. The groom was not present at the ceremony; he was abroad. Both families were pleased with this union. On one hand, the groom was a paternal relative of Arezu, and on the other, the girl and the boy had known and loved each other since childhood.
With the support of her future husband, Arezu began her university education. She left her village, crossed mountains and steep passes, and made her way to the capital. She enrolled in the Faculty of Nursing at Kabul Medical University and started her studies there.
Life and education in the city, within a new environment, were not easy for her. Yet she confronted every hardship with determination. Hope for a brighter future was her only source of comfort, enabling her to endure and cope with all the challenges of her present life.
Student Life
During her time at Kabul University’s dormitory, Arezu formed a few friendships and shared a student room with other girls. However, movement and social activities within the dormitory were not entirely free. Certain restrictions had been imposed by the dormitory administration. In addition to these limitations, the heavy academic workload and environmental pressures turned her daily life into a highly stressful experience.
Time passed. Suddenly, she realized that nearly five months had gone by without experiencing her menstrual cycle even once.
“It had happened to me before. Once, my period was delayed for up to three months. But this time, when I noticed that I hadn’t menstruated for five months, I became scared.”
Although Arezu was a nursing student, facing this issue was not easy for her. At first, she shared the problem with a close friend. Later, she decided to consult a midwife or a gynecologist. A midwife at a government clinic, after conducting examinations, advised her to use birth control pills to regulate her menstrual cycle. In addition, she recommended maintaining a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and managing stress.
According to gynecologists, birth control pills are sometimes prescribed—depending on the underlying cause—to help regulate menstrual disorders. Dr. Nesa Mohammadi, a specialist in obstetrics and gynecology, believes that if menstrual irregularities are caused by hormonal imbalance, birth control pills are prescribed to restore hormonal balance and return menstruation to its normal cycle.
In an interview with Nimrokh, Dr. Mohammadi explained:
“One of the main and very important causes of menstrual disorders is stress and anxiety. From decreased or increased bleeding to intensified pain, ovarian problems, and hormonal issues—many of these conditions stem from stress. The primary reason is that when stress levels rise, cortisol levels in the body also increase, which disrupts the normal functioning of the ovaries and hormones.”
Dr. Mohammadi further noted that birth control pills, in addition to preventing unwanted pregnancies, are prescribed by gynecologists to regulate menstruation, treat hormone-related acne, manage endometriosis, address ovarian disorders, and control irregular bleeding.
Arezu’s Stormy Winter
The autumn semester came to an end. For the winter break, Arezu returned to her village and her family home. What awaited her during this holiday would become the most bitter chapter of her life.
After her return, members of her fiancé’s family came to visit. Among Arezu’s belongings, her sister-in-law noticed the birth control pills. She reported this to her brother and the rest of the family, suggesting that it was unclear what mistake Arezu might have committed in Kabul that had led her to use such medication.
Soon after, Arezu’s own family sided with her fiancé’s family. As an initial measure, they prohibited her from continuing her education. Arezu’s attempts to explain the situation—to both families and even to her fiancé—proved futile.
“My fiancé, whom I had loved since childhood, did not trust me. As soon as he heard what his family said, he immediately blamed me. He did not even give me the chance to explain the truth.”
Arezu explains that throughout her university studies, she was in constant contact with her fiancé; they spoke for hours on the phone. Yet she had never been able to discuss her health condition with him—especially when she began experiencing menstrual disorders.
“Honestly, I never had the courage to talk to him about this. Not because I was afraid, but because talking about our bodies or menstruation is always considered shameful in our families. I couldn’t speak freely about it even with my fiancé. Only my mother knew.”
Arezu adds that her fiancé’s family believed that because he was living outside Afghanistan, she must have been engaging in immoral behavior in his absence, and that she was using birth control pills to prevent pregnancy.
Even after presenting her medical prescription from the clinic, Arezu was unable to convince them that she had committed no wrongdoing and that the medication was purely for health reasons. The idea that she was taking birth control pills solely to regulate her menstrual cycle was inconceivable to anyone. Instead, she was widely accused of “immoral behavior.”
“The first person who beat me was my brother,” she says. “He told me I had disgraced him and brought shame upon our family.”
The Engagement Is Called Off
After prolonged tensions between the two families and the young man’s withdrawal from marrying Arezu, their engagement was called off. A bond formed through love and affection since childhood collapsed under the weight of a single suspicion.
Following the breakup, Arezu was confined to her home. When she failed to prove her innocence in the dissolution of the engagement, she could no longer endure the four walls that imprisoned her. After two months of living under torture, blame, insults, and humiliation, she was forced to leave. One of Arezu’s friends—her former dormitory roommate—helped her escape from the house.
A New Chapter of Life
With the support of her friend, Arezu fled home and later married one of her friend’s relatives. Arezu and her husband, who were university classmates, held their wedding based on mutual commitments: the right to education, the right to work, and loyalty within their shared life.
Arezu’s husband was aware of the circumstances surrounding the breakdown of her previous engagement. Having known her for about a year at university, he—unlike Arezu’s family and her former fiancé—understood her situation and gave her the time and space to cope with her difficulties.
“My husband was also a nursing student. He gave me the space I needed to come to terms with what had happened. With his support and the medications I was taking, I regained my health.”
After leaving her father’s home, Arezu cut off all channels of communication with her family. With the support of community elders in her husband’s hometown in Ghazni, the couple performed their marriage ceremony without the consent of Arezu’s parents.
Arezu now contacts only her mother from time to time. Her father and brother, however, have stated that after her escape from home, they would rather see her dead.
“My father said he no longer wanted to see me alive.”
In Pursuit of a Long-Held Dream
Following the Taliban’s return to power in Afghanistan and the closure of universities to women, Arezu—like thousands of Afghan women and girls—was forced to leave her education unfinished and remain confined to her home. Now a mother of two, she says she still holds on to the hope that one day she will be able to resume her studies and work in the field of nursing.
Her motivation for pursuing education and employment in the health sector is rooted in a desire to support women and girls—helping them become informed about their physical health and personal hygiene, and enabling them to recognize hormonal disorders, gynecological illnesses, and other critical health issues in a timely manner so they can care for themselves.
She explains:
“The reality is that women and girls often cannot talk to their families about gynecological problems and illnesses. I want no woman or girl to be judged. They must reach this awareness themselves.”
